Pathetic

Man alive, there is so much to catch up on, and so much I meant to blog about but have forgotten. Damnit.

Monday was Michelle's 17th birthday -- she's getting old -- and we went to Redstone for dinner. It was really good, though it couldn't possibly live up to its smell. Like eating inside a bonfire. Quite possibly, heaven on earth. Not my favorite restaurant, but I would definitely go back. I got her "Amelie" on DVD, though all she really wanted was a left-handed guitar. She'll just have to settle for French comedy.

Opened the season with two 8-mile rollerblade trail "runs." Felt great, and the weather is perfect. I forgot just how much I love Spring. Forget Summer Jeff, Spring Jeff is the best of us all. I just am in a better mood all the time when the weather is warmer. Maybe I'll have to start heading south after Christmas. If only I could be retired in my twenties!

I'm all turned around in space and time (still) and so I don't know if I'm repeating myself, but I finalized my Sydney trip. I could not be more excited about getting there. I would rather not be on a plane for 20 hours, but you do what you have to. I am normally ok during the flight -- except for turbulance -- its just I hate taking off and landing. Ok taking off is really all I hate. Landing at least I know that we touched ground and all is well. I just hate the angled ascent. I feel like its one mph away from peeling my face off. Since I don't understand how planes fly and we don't just fall from the sky, I wonder sometimes if we board this big bird and they simulate taking off and landing and there are union workers outside on a tarmac or in a hangar holding up well-made posters that look like clouds while their co-workers work feverishly to erect elaborate set pieces resembling what the passenger will intake as a different place. I wonder if it's all some big joke on me, like I'm in my own Truman Show. Either way, fake or not, I am really ready for a vacation, so much that I can taste it. Though I burned my tongue the other night on some hot and cold cookie ice cream sundae, and all I can taste right now is Souix Falls. I'm hoping that with each passing day I will taste further and further West. Like maybe tomorrow, Reno.

I've been reading Sydney street guides on the way to and from work for a couple weeks, slowly reading about what there is and listing what I want to see. Since I'll be on my own for most of each day, I have the benefit of not waiting for anyone and can come and go as I please. But I also have the detriment of being alone. Oh well, it'll still be exactly what I need and have been falling asleep to.

So I was really sick last week, last Sunday to Monday. Sunday night I panicked and realized I hadn't done my taxes. I stupidly thought they were due by Wednesday (see, no sense of space or time... what's wrong with me lately?!?) and forced myself to get them done. Started feeling REALLY shitty about halfway through (insert tax = sickness joke here) and reached the point where I was just clicking things to get them over with. I had inexplicable problems with the printer and didn't want to spend the time fixing them, so I elected to e-file. I didn't know you had to pay to do that. I also didn't know that it cost $15.95 to e-file your federal and state returns, each. That's bullshit. I think the cost is relative to the program you use and let the word go out from this time and place... do NOT use TurboTax. $32 to file your taxes!!!!??? Que horible! I could have just gone to the post office when I felt better and paid 74 cents to mail them. What a jackass am I! My state refund was $20 minus the $16 to file, and I'm left with $4! Got a slightly better federal refund, only because I have the benefit of my job for only five months in 2004 when it looks like I had it for the whole year. But 2005 is not going to be as kind to me come next April! God I hate taxes. Juneokmike.

I read about the new Pope this morning on the train ride in. I want to feel comfortable that the cardinals made a wise decision, but there are so many elements against that. Pope Benedict XVI was a part of the Hitler Youth. He worked on an anti-aircraft post for the Germans, too. I want to be ok with the idea that everyone can change, and his "official" biography states that he was "forced" into those things. But forced or not, he was a part of it. During very informative years. That could be a bad thing as much as it could be a good thing. Now, I don't think he's going to usher in Nazism or anything, but it is unclear what he will bring to the future of the Church and all we have are indicators from his past. He seems like a nice and warm man (for an old German!) and the people that know him keep telling news organizations how shy but approachable he is. His public statements are a mixed bag on the issue that I think is the most important currently, which is the sexual abuse epidemic among priests. He acknowledges it, which frankly is more than what Pope John Paul II did, and his position as a hard-liner of tradition might be an asset dealing with this issue. It seems like the Vatican has taken the position that this is a uniquely American problem, but such a narrow scope on the issue is damning. Of course it is not simply defined by arbitrary geographical borders. So I am optimistic that under Benedict a different and better course will be taken. That being said, it is my position that it is shortsighted to simply invoke stricter punishments or more stringent rules, or a three-strikes policy or whatever they might impose to curb the sexual abuse. That is welcome and necessary. But the other shoe to drop should be allowing priests to marry and ordaining women priests. This seems to me the best way to get at the root of the problem and to best protect parishoners and alter boys and every child in the Church. I am optimistic that something will be done more than it already has, but pessimistic that they won't go far enough. I was hoping for a progressive pope, and even though we didn't get one, still expect some changes.

They say that popes have a way of surprising everyone. The last "place-holder" pope, elected in the late '50's, who was roughly as old as Benedict and seen as a short-termer, shocked everyone by imposing Vatican II. So it is entirely possible that big things could come from this new pope. After all, serving after John Paul II, a flawed man but nonetheless a giant during what some call The American Century, is a fool's errand and a quiet doormouse can only be consigned to a forgetful history. Big actions are the only things that might secure this pope a spot in people's memories and a page in the history books. Not that that is why he should do anything he does, but if you want to be effective, you must be an individual. You lose credibility when you parrot someone else, even someone whose actions are worthy of being parrotted.

I read Mary's blog about leaving the Catholic Church over the election of Benedict to the papacy. I'm not surprised, because she's been talking for years about trying out different churches and finding what to her fits the best. I'm just surprised it was this event that broke the camel's back and not, say, certain positions the Church has or the sex abuse scandal. Either way, I am glad that her goal is to find what is best for her because it is such an individual choice and am certain that wherever she lands and whatever dwelling she attends on Sundays, she will feel welcomed and content. That is my wish for her. I'm not of the orthodoxy that non-Catholics are excluded from Heaven and I know that no matter what any of us do in this world, there is a next world where we all can congregate again no matter which Church we subscribed to. Even the Jews.

I'm going to see Iron & Wine tonight at the House of Blues. I'm really excited for it; should be a great show. I expect him to be like on the CD but better acoustically. I don't have his new album, "Woman King," but heard it when I was in Iowa City. I think its six songs and is similar to his other work. Solid. I think the new Rob Thomas CD came out yesterday, but I haven't seen too much on it. The few respectable reviews I've seen were very positive, so I'll have to go check it out tomorrow. Maybe I'll burn a copy for Mr. Chips (he talks about Matchbox 20 like they are evil incarnate and I constantly laugh him off, that fool). I'm glad that "Lost" is a rerun tonight, because I wouldn't be able to see it until tomorrow and I struggle with being on such a delay of "live" events, but I wish there was a new one soon, since its been getting really fucking great lately. It'll be great to come home from Sydney and after I sleep for three days, have two DVRs filled with all the season finales that aired in my absence. Especially the three-part "Lost" and the end of "24." Damn I love TV.

Time to pretend to work.