ONE WEEK OUT

Taking a break from my vacation postings (a month after the fact, but hey, that’s me).

Last week, I had dinner with Emily at Taylor Brewing Company and we were talking about the things that are keeping us from feeling adult, or from growing up at all. She has some developments that are thrusting her into that realm without regard to what she wants, and I just am feeling stagnant.

As Will mentioned in his post about 2005, I also feel like this year was a placeholder of sorts. I got to travel to Australia and Europe, went to Iowa City, Carbondale, Champaign, Madison (a few times); made two movies with friends; went to a wedding and no funerals. This year was not devoid of activity. Yet for some reason I feel like those things did little to advance me into this world, into my future. I met few new people. I remain solitary. I hate my job.

2006 holds so much promise, as a new year always does a week before it begins. There are possible vacations ahead to places I’ve never been. I am probably starting graduate school in January – for a Master’s in Secondary Education. I hope to move out of my parents’ home in the next year, before my sister goes to college (it’s a pride thing). Big things seem on the horizon for me, and that feels good.

Emily has been trying to get me to find an outlet to write more. I have this blog, but I clearly never update it. She does this because for a couple years now I keep saying how I want to write something – a short story, a poem, a manuscript, a screenplay, anything – but I always have a reason why I can’t: I don’t have a laptop; I can’t clear my head; what kind of story could I write? Maybe this year I will resolve to just sit down and have a go at it. It might be shit, but then again, it might not. Then I can end this dichotomy of finding a way to avoid the subject and wondering if I could actually do it. I told Emily to get on my back about all these resolutions I keep throwing into the air. I want to go to the gym more often. I want to be healthier and in better shape. I want to read more books. I want to get better sleep. I want to jump in a car and go someplace spontaneously. Milwaukee, or the Dunes, maybe. I want to have plans for this year, something to always be looking forward to. I’m not a sad person, but I enjoy life so much more when there’s something exciting coming up. These are my (lofty?) New Year’s Resolutions. Last year, and every year before that, I pinned hopes like these up on the wall in my head and sat on the couch and watched January dissipate. It’s always the first month to go, and it leaves me impotent for the entire year. Maybe this time with these thoughts spewed out into space, I will have the rocks to go through with one. I have shame chasing my down an alley… I can’t afford to give it an inch.